Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
