I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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