That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
