I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
