At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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