He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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