i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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