she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
