dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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