using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
