I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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