When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
