and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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