She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
