If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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