Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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