i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
