So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
