How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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