fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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