My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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