A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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