If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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