nut hugger
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
