I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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