i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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