My hand turned me down
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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