Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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