She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
