If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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