ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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