If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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