You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
