You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
