That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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