Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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