She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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