i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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