I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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