O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
