Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
