thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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