More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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