I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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