the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
