I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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