Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
