I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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