Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
