Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
