Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
