I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
