ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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