my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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