i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
