you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
