This is not my ceiling
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
