it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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