i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
