If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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