FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
