Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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