you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
