I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
