oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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