yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh god it's open bar.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
