Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
