Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
