everyone is single if you try hard enough
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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